Scene: Orsino's chamber. Enter Orsino, Guard (with guitar) 

Orsino: if music be the food of love, play on. 

[Guard either plays something really tacky e.g. Barbie Girl, or can't
play at all]

Orsino: [with straight face] Enough, no more; ' Tis not so sweet now as
it was before, for 'twas too many weeks at number one.

Guard: Still moping over her, my Lord Orsino?

Orsino: what, man?

Guard: the rebel.

Orsino: Why, so I do. O, when mine eyes did see fair Olivia first,
was my fate sealed in that instant. She will be Juliet to my
Romeo, Cleopatra to my Anthony, Posh Spice to my Becks.

Guard: [ to self ] Pity she can't stand you, then.

Orsino: She gives her devotion to a pleasant ideal of liberty. Her
love is blind to the practicalities that beset us all. She
misunderstands that free enterprise must underpin a free society.

Guard: You mean she doesn't like you paying off the Federation to
ignore your smuggling.

Orsino: A rose by any other name would fetch as good a price.

[ Enter another Guard ]

Orsino: how now? What news of her?

Guard 2: So please my lord, I was not able to pass her defensive grid,
but from their navigation computers received this message: Such lowly
smugglers, till the Federation falls, shall not behold her face at ample
view; But like a shadow she will veiled walk, and permanently fence her
base round with neutron blasters; all this to fight for freedom's dead
love, which she would keep fresh and lasting, in her sad remembrance.

Orsino: O, she that hath a heart of this fine frame to pay this debt of
love but to a naive ideal, how will she love, when the news services hath
announced the battle hath killed eighty percent of Federation fleets,
and Orsino is now independent ruler of Illyria.

Guard two: My Lord?

Orsino: "Money talks."
	She shuns me now, but this I know:
	Orsino will not be spurn-ed so.
	Her heart so pure, her frame so fine,
	Oh yes, my friend, she will be mine